![]() That last one might not have been such a great feature.Īnyways, like I said, it was a rather odd game. If this man asks you to get into a van, DO NOT DO IT! Unless he offers candy first. It even introduced us all to everyone's favorite video game child molester: Tingle! It had some cool tunes and a plot ripped straight out of one of Bill Murray's best movies, Groundhog Day. The game had some sweet dungeon design, the ability to let you turn into a kick ass rock monster Goron and a sleek Dolphin-Elf Zora. It's easily the weirdest Zelda game out there, and that's saying something when you come from a series that has exploding mice, giant eyeball/goo bosses, and talking bird hats! The Legend of Zelda:Majora's Mask is still my favorite of the 3D Zelda games. I'm pretty sure we gamers are better than most of the Tanners. Or sometimes they just calls it like it is:īut yeah, just remember the next time some random NPC shows up with a damn fetch-quest, and it involves collecting dung, manure, or any form of actual crap*, that means they're basically turning you into a Pure Collector! Which basically means they think that you're worth less than a Tanner. This leads to stuff like Breath of Fire 4's "Fairie Drops", World of Warcraft's "Azsharite" or Deathspank's collection of unicorn poop: Maybe this is why sometimes they just say,"Screw it! Might as well be collecting ACTUAL s**t* then!" You either kill X+N (N being the number of enemies who won't drop the item since it's "random") number of Monster Z, or who harvest X number of resource point Q.īasically it's a bunch of tedious running around doing the same old s**t*. After all, pretty much every fetch quest is exactly the same: Questgiver A demands X number of Y item. Well sometimes, a game developer realizes that have the stuff you collect for your random fetch quests is pretty boring and almost always arbitrary. So what does this have to do with video games? At the time, about the only thing considered by most folks to be even lower were *shudder*. ![]() Now being a Tanner was a pretty low-class job obviously, but being a "Pure" Collector? That was even lower. ![]() Obviously it was a time before we taught our dogs to do this themselves They collected dog droppings and sold them to the Tanners! Why from Pure collectors of course! See Tanners used dog crap* mostly, and that's what these guys did. But since there isn't a family called the Fatguywhowefeedjustsowecollectheirrectalchunks, where did all the poo needed for the tanning process come from? How did they do this? They stripped the still bloody skin off animals corpses, then soaked the disgusting meat strips in a trough of piss and feces*! Yay! Apparently wearing stuff that had been dripped into vats of sh*t wasn't a huge deal when everybody stunk up the joint anyways (it was the middle ages after all). "Tanner" was no different - they tanned hides. Don't even get me started about the unfortunate McBullmasturbator clan (they painted eggs). The Smiths probably had an ancestor that was a Smith (makes. ![]() Cooper, they probably were a Cooper (someone who makes barrels). Like, remember the main character of Driver? His name was Tanner.īack in the day when people were even less imaginative than they are now, people used to get names that were basically what they did for a living. Stuff you in all likelihood did not in fact know! Stuff you probably don't want to know. Because I'm about to let loose knowledge so strong and manly (like Bull) that it's going to blow holes out the backside of your skull if it isn't adequately protected. Time to put on your learning helmets children.
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